When I’m in Disney World, more often than not, my feet are sore, my skin is drenched with sweat, and my hair is battling the humidity every step of the way. So you know which body part I expect will actually get to have a good time? My BUTT.
Space Mountain
No, I promise, I’m not getting into toilets here. Instead, I’m here to talk about ride vehicles! Some are surprisingly comfy (like Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind — kisses for you!), and others leave a lot to be desired. Especially over in Tomorrowland at Magic Kingdom, where they have a serious ride vehicle problem!
First, I’m going to start by saying — this is not about you, Tomorrowland Transit Authority PeopleMover. You are a golden child who can do no wrong, and I love you. You may go home. Go on, you’re excused. (*fondly watches PeopleMover exit like a proud parent of an adorable toddler*)
PeopleMover
Okay, now, let’s get DOWN TO BUSINESS. The other Tomorrowland rides? You guys line up right here in front of me, ya bunch of troublemakers! I’m sick and tired of you toying with my emotions, my comfort, and worst of all, my knees and joints. Somehow, each of you is a problem child in your own unique way.
Astro Orbiter
TRON Lightcycle / Run, you might not be the worst offender, but you’re certainly near the top of the list. Your bicycle-style seating may look cool, but for those of us with calves enlarged by hours of theme park walking every week, you can be a pinchy, uncomfortable experience. And don’t even get me started on how awkward you are to ride while wearing a skirt or dress.
TRON Lightcycle / Run
Space Mountain, you’re probably the most famous of the uncomfy ride vehicles, though I don’t think you’re technically the worst either. You can be perfectly fine and enjoyable during the ride experience (we’ll blame the herky-jerky on the track and not the vehicle), but getting in and out of your little torpedo-shaped seats is an acrobatic feat for which I need to do a full series of stretches. I swear I’ve nearly dislocated shoulder joints multiple times during my disembarkations, and WHERE on earth am I supposed to fit my backpack while I ride?!
Space Mountain on-ride photo
Tomorrowland Speedway, don’t think you’re getting off scot-free, even though you’re less popular than those first two. Your ride vehicles are not only difficult for adults to get in and out of, but they STINK to high heaven (as my very Southern mother would say). Even though I’m a full-grown adult with a driver’s license, I struggle to drive your cars without banging into that metal bar every 30 seconds. Do better.
Tomorrowland Speedway
But above all else, I’m here to throw down with Astro Orbiter. YOU are the bane of my existence. You say you’re made for two occupants per rocket ship, but when I attempted to ride with another person, it was an obscene invasion of personal space. And I was riding with my husband! I nearly broke both his knees, and the centrifugal force created by the spinning of the ride threw us both against the metal walls in a rib-busting manner. This is not a ride vehicle you share with a casual friend, a first date, or really, any other adults. Ride with small children only, and even then, beware.
Astro Orbiter
Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin, I know you’re in the middle of a refurbishment right now, and if you see the trouble these other rides have gotten themselves into, I can only hope you’ll reopen with quality ride vehicles that will make Tomorrowland proud. You weren’t really a true offender to begin with, but I’ve got my eyes on you, just in case.
©Disney
So there you go, the full scope of the Tomorrowland ride vehicle problem. I’m personally in the camp that Astro Orbiter is the worst offender, but at least we’ve got the wonderful PeopleMover to balance things out. Don’t forget to stretch before you board these rides!
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100% agree with Astro Orbiter. I was on the ride last year with my then 14-year-old, who is very petite, and even I was super uncomfortable. I was so ready to get off the ride.
I think the most uncomfortable ride vehicle is on the Barnstormer. Hard, bumpy plastic! Now that my kids are adults, we no longer ride.
I laughed so hard reading this post I snorted! Astro orbiter is the worst! I am petite and rode it with my 7 YO son. The whole ride was painful and I thought a cast member would have to help me out.
We haven’t been on Astro Orbiter for a few years as it always has a long wait. Finally, last month, we saw a short queue so went to ride it. Horror of horrors, myself and my husband no longer fit in one rocket! A cast member tried to help by standing next to us and giving instruction but in the end I climbed out and got in the rocket in front with my adult son.
As for disembarking Space Mountain, I throw my bag out first onto the platform, then crawl out on all fours.