We’re SO close to booking another trip back to Epic Universe, we can taste it…literally.

We’ve attended a media event to check out the new park, plus we’ve been back for early previews of this EPIC new park. So speaking of taste, that means we’ve been trying out EVERY SINGLE restaurant we can get into at Universal Orlando’s new theme park. However, we may have met our match when we visited one restaurant that was so DARK, EERIE, and even made our stomachs turn at the CREEPY way their food is presented.

Atmosphere

So the idea is that this restaurant is an old inn-type place that’s been built over catacombs. Nope, not creepy at all. But hey, when in Darkmoor, right?

The concept is that this is a vampire hangout, giving you the perspective of the vampires themselves through paintings and architecture. Once you step inside, you’ll be greeted by one of the many familiars (yep, vampire servants) who will also serve you.

Once you step inside Das Stakehaus, you’ve stepped into a very dark world. No, really, like it’s SUPER dark in here and your eyes might have a hard time at first adjusting from the intense bright light outside to the dark vibes that await you inside. But, hey, that’s the vibe, right? Our reporter actually joked that Das Stakehaus is the darkest restaurant they’ve ever done a review in and we can’t say we don’t believe them when you’re dining like a vampire.

Of course, it’s not just physically dark, but the theme is pretty dark, too. Let’s just say the gang from What We Do In Do In The Shadows would feel very comfortable here. Everything is classic gothic vampire, including the artwork.

There are a lot of macabre details that you’ll want to check out if you’re into things that go bump in the night.

You’ll find plenty of seating inside with tables and chairs across a few dining sections — most of which is one big dining room who’s theming may change as you turn the corner.

The tables and chairs literally make you feel like you’re having dinner with Dracula (you know, like in that movie with Keanu Reeves and Gary Oldman? SO ON POINT). As far as theming goes, Das Stakehaus has nailed the vibe.

By the way, everything here is mobile order. You sit at your table, scan the QR code there, order your food, and that’s it. Your food and drinks are brought out to you. BOOM. Easier than convincing a vampire to visit a blood bank (yes, sorry, but you’re just going to have to expect a lot of vampiric humor with this review).

But enough about the restaurant — what’s on the menu here?!

Menu

The menu features burgers, kebabs, sandwiches, and more. But the food here is anything but boring because it all has a nice vampiric twist (what else would you expect?) So you’ll find dishes like Stakes, a Blood Orange Chicken Sandwich, Our Favorite Vegan Familiar’s Stuffed Cabbage, and Carved Staked Steak.

So let’s sink our fangs into some food!

Eats

We started with the Darkmoor Black Wings for $15.99. These are Darkmoor spicy chili-dusted fried wings with smoked cheddar, charred scallions, pimento cornbread skull, and soy chili garlic sauce, served with a familiar slaw. Again, DEAD (or should we say UNDEAD?) on with the theming. While our reporter isn’t a huge fan of wings, they felt like these fell short of even middle ground expectations.

These wings we were served were more on the fatty side and we admittedly would have LOVED more meat to them. Additionally, the meat we did taste on them wasn’t juicy or flavorful. The sauce is pretty good, though, so we’ll give it that. Maybe if the wings were coated in it, they would’ve been better. The cornbread was interesting, sort of like a pimento cornbread with some peppers in it. The slaw was fresh, but weirdly enough, it didn’t have any dressing.

The Carved Staked Steak for $23.99 comes with stakes in it…okay, they’re skewers, but you get the POINT, right? You get a carved strip steak, charred green onion mashed potatoes, roasted baby carrots, acorn squash, crispy maitake mushrooms with a bloody jus. Our steak was lacking in flavor which made us a bit disappointed. If it had just a little bit of something extra to give it a push, we think we could have really enjoyed something special here. Maybe it needed a touch of garlic? (Well, okay, we get why it didn’t have that.) As you can see, though, it’s served VERY red. Oh, the skewers say, “nostro arbitrio solous,” which translates to “at our discretion alone.” Um…okay?

If you like middle school cafeteria mashed potatoes that might could use a little butter and salt to them, you might enjoy these the most, and ideally we would have liked our veggies a bit less mushy to keep them from tasting overcooked.

We also tried Our Favorite Vegan Familiar’s Stuffed Cabbage for $16.99, made with Impossible stuffed cabbage, beet bucatini, in a bell pepper tomato sauce. Okay, so this is a nice combo of stuffed cabbage combined with pasta and mushrooms, some of our favorite things. However, it looks like a brain. No, really.

This was a better dish, though, flavor-wise. The pasta tasted homemade and fresh. The tomato sauce offered a rich tomato flavor, although it could have used some salt in our opinion. But, the big bites of mushroom made up for the lack of flavor. Admittedly it’s a bit hard to look past you’re eating a brain in a bowl of blood, and we’re hoping we’re not going to start craving brains and end up like something from The Walking Dead.

Okay, things are about to get WEIRD. For dessert, we had the Red Velvet Death for $6.99. We’ll just let you chew on the description: red velvet heart “beet” coffin cake with chocolate crumbs and puffed rice maggots. If your appetite is piqued by the idea of fake maggots crawling all over your dessert then this is the ONE for you. As we took a bit we could swear the cake tasted like something you might get at a grocery store when you’re craving red velvet cake and can’t get a good homemade one. It’s moist, but we felt like it was almost TOO moist for us. Couple that with the creaminess of the cream cheese frosting in the middle and it wasn’t quite the textures we were hoping for.

The “maggots” are Rice Krispies…but we had a bit of a mental block with these when we got to them because they look a little too real, but looks aside they were a bit harder than what we were expecting when we bit into them! This dessert seriously messed with our heads in all sorts of ways.

And we still a few drinks to try out y’all!

Drinks

To drink, we picked up the Reapers Reserve for $13. Okay, so this beer wasn’t bad. You can taste the cinnamon and the clove in it, but the clove is very strong and it overpowers it. However, when paired with the steak (stake?), it made the meat taste better. So it’s a good pairing with that meal.

We also ordered the Monocane Mocktail for $7. Now, apparently, Monocane is a chemical name that was created for the 1933 The Invisible Man movie. It’s supposed to make you go mad — OH, GREAT. Instead, it’s like a tasty craft soda that reminded us of a Baja Blast from Taco Bell.

It’s sweet, syrupy, and it glows…we’re sure it’s fine to drink the whole thing. It’s not like it’s going to turn us invisible…we hope.

Nosh or Not

This Epic Universe restaurant is a must-visit if…

• You love theming. We have to give this restaurant a 10 out of 10 for theming because the gothic vibe is SO strong here. Universal really put its love for its monster universe in this restaurant.
• You’re okay with bland food. Hey, we get it. Some people require bland diets, and we feel like this is a spot that could meet those requirements.
• You want a quick and easy meal. One thing we loved was how easy it was to order here by using mobile order and having it brought right to our table.

You should skip this Epic Universe spot if…

• You have picky eaters in your party. We’re going to say that although the food here is bland, the presentation could put off some kids and picky eaters. We’re STILL not over the whole “maggot” thing.
• You want a table service restaurant experience. This is quick service, meaning you won’t get the kind of service you would get at a fancier table service establishment.
• You don’t like eating in the dark. The theme here is dark, as is the restaurant. Some folks don’t like eating in super dark restaurants, so you’ll want to stay away.

Overall

We’ll be honest, we are a little torn about Das Stakehouse. The monster and horror lover in us absolutely loved the theming of the restaurant and even the (sometimes gross) presentation of the food. Universal didn’t pull any punches with this one. HOWEVER, the lack of seasoning on so much of what we ate was disappointing, but then again, vampires can’t eat, so it makes sense?

In the meantime, we’ll be on the lookout for more restaurant updates from Epic Universe and beyond. Make sure you stay tuned to the Disney Food Blog for the latest Universal news and more!

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Have you eaten at this restaurant before? Tell us in the comments!